im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
