One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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