she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
