DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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