can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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