Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
