love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
