no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
