Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
