Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
