Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
