one might say we're banned from that church
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
