Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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