There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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