stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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