I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
