At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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