My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
