I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
