so that wasnt chicken after all
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
