nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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