i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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