Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?

Fav 4 924 4570
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(919): View more from North Carolina

his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.

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(734): View more from Michigan

i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen

Fav 12 1844 963
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(334): View more from Alabama

It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!

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(706): View more from Georgia

First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.

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(806): View more from Texas

I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.

Fav 0 32 9
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