is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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