Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
