Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
