I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize