I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
