Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Panties = found
Randomize
