Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
