Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
