He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
