dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
