you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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