I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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