Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
