I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
