just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
