I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
