she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
