I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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