two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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