we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize