Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
