so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
