i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
