Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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