ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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