I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
