Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
