i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
