i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
