It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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