Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
