have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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