So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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