First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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