he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
