You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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