i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
