So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize