Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
