Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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