you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is my gift to your gina
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
