ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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