question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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