everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
