I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
