Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I stole a fireplace last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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