I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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