My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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