i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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