I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
