I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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