i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
