the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i think im in europe. pls send help
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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