My hand turned me down
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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