Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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